Giving In
by Tiychan
Summary: A story of one Fire Demon named Hiei trying to over come his mental breakdown and be a "Normal" Person again. But the voice he heres becomes to over powering for him. To point where Hiei wants to give in! R
1. The final battle

Giving In  
  
The room was dark and cold, no light had shine through those windows in a long time. Hiei had become a drunken man. All he ever does now is lay on the sofa with a bottle of vodka until he either passes out or can't feel the pain that lies within him. He had become this way over the past year or so, ever since Yukina had died. She was the only family he had left, and never got the chance to tell her. The secret that Hiei had been holding in for years, that he was her brother.   
  
Hiei remembers the day she died like it was yesterday. Yukina wasn't suppose to come with them on a mission. Not listening to them she does it anyways. Hiei decided that he was going to fight the powerful demon. Yukina came up from behind Hiei to surprise him, she had found out from Koenma that Hiei was her brother. Hiei not realizing it was her stabs her in the stomache. He had killed his own sister, but it wasn't suppose to happen like that. Hiei saw the horrid pain in Yukina's face, that still haunts him today.  
  
So now he doesn't even come out of his apartment. The gang has tried to get him help, but it was no use Hiei would never admit he has a problem.   
  
Losing everything his ever held true in life. No family, friends nothing but his thoughts and even that was starting to make him go mad. Hiei had always chosen the harsh and bitter way of life. That was the only life he ever knew. He gets up from the sofa and goes to the bathroom. Looking at his blood shoot eyes and shaky hands in the mirror. Hiei becomes enraged with anger, why did he let himself do this. It wasn't the Hiei that he was or the Hiei that he is. It was just a hollow, lifeless person staring back.   
  
"Look at yourself, your nothing" the voice inside Hiei's head says.  
  
"You can't do anything right. You killed your own sister. Now you must pay for what you have done" he keep on hearing the voice, everyday it was like hell for him.  
  
He tries to shake it off and not listen, but the voice was to strong for him. "Stop it and get out of my brain you bastard. You think I don't know what I did was wrong" Hiei was almost in tears. "Just leave my alone for once, let me rest" he pleas to the voice.  
  
"You will never rest until your dead" the voice laughs. Hiei was starting to go crazy. He sits by his bathroom tub and rocks gently hoping that maybe the pain would go away. A part of him wanted someone to knock on the door. Just so he could know that maybe it wasn't real, that maybe Yukina was still alive. That he had been trick into thinking he killed Yukina. Sadly none did ever come around, it was like they had forgotten about Hiei. Everyone knew he was so cold hearted and thought why bother to help someone when they don't want it.  
  
"Just do it now and get it over with. The sooner you cut your wrist, the sooner I'm gone" the voice was trying to get Hiei to pick up a razor blade and cut his wrist.  
  
"No I can't, I can't do it" Hiei whipers, he had gotten himself so worked up that blood drips out of the side of his mouth.  
  
"Yes you can it's easy, besides it's not like anyone cares about you"  
  
Hiei stops rocking, and thinks that maybe the voice was right. That just maybe all the pain would go away if he just got it over with. There was not point in him living now. He stands up and goes to search for more liquir. He began to panic when he couldn't find any. Trashing the already destroyed apartment, he finds his last bottle of vodka. Hiei drinks it so fast he almost throws up it all. He didn't eat or sleep anymore, and has become a living zombie.   
  
Now going back to the bathroom he could barley stand up. Hiei takes a razor blade from the medicine cabinet. The shrap and shiny peice of metal was held tightly in Hiei's hand. "I have to do this" he mumbles to himself. His whole body began to shake now. He sits on the bathroom floor. His body breaks out in a cold sweat. Hiei's lips turn a purple cold has he puts the razor to his wrist, and....  
  
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What a prefect stoping place, so you think Hiei will do it? 


	2. The Hurt

Giving In  
  
You all wanna know what happens to Hiei? well read and you'll find out!  
  
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He feels the razor cut into his skin. It felt so good to feel the pain that he has caused to himself. Hiei's eyes roll back into his head, and he let's out a small laugh. He felt so dead inside that any feeling to him was good. Blood went everywhere after cutting both wrist, he sits on the bathroom floor waiting to the final minute where he takes his last breath. Knowing that this would be his final hour, maybe even less. Letting the blood just flow from his wrist, Hiei becoming very weak and pale. The voice in his head keeps on telling him things, and Hiei listens. Because what else did he have in his life.   
  
"Good Hiei, now it won't be long until your dead" The voice laughs evilly.  
  
"Please I don't want to die" Hiei realizing that what he did was wrong.He begins to panic knowing that he'll never make it in time. It was to late. But he knew if he never tried to save his life then he himself would fail.  
  
Crawling to the kitchen trying to get to a phone. Hiei's body goes into a state of shock. He holds the deep wounds close to his body hoping that maybe the blood would stop. He has lost so much blood already he could barely reach the phone. His bloody heads pull him up to the counter and Hiei picks up the phone. Only to fall to the fall shortly after. So dizzy Hiei couldn't read the numbers on the phone. He knew he was dieing and fast, he felt his whole body giving in. After what seemed forever Hiei dials 9-1-1. He lies on the floor and could barely speak to the woman on the other line.  
  
"9-1-1 how may I help you?" She says  
  
"help me I'm dieing" Hiei whispers he was just to weak.  
  
"Sir your going to have to speak up" she couldn't even hear him.  
  
"I'M DIEING" Hiei screams out then passes out with the phone still in his hand.  
  
Soon after the phone call the ambulance goes to Hiei apartment. Only   
  
to find that it was to late, Hiei's heart had stopped just minutes before   
  
then arrived. Trying so hard to revive him, they get a small but very weak   
  
pulse. Starting a I.V the paramedics take Hiei off on a Stretcher. Hoping that he'll Survive long enough to make it to the Hospital. On the ride to the hospital Hiei wakes up. All he could see was flash of lights and hear faint sounds. He looks at the paramedic that is by his side.  
  
"Am I going to the live" he mumbles and starts to cry. Tears flow off to the side of his cheeks. He was ashamed and embarrasst that he was crying, but there was nothing he could do. His hands were tied down so he wouldn't try to get lose. What he did was so stupid and only shows how weak in the heart he had become.  
  
"Yes your going to be ok sir" The paramedic looks away even he wasn't so sure. Hiei had lost so much blood. There was still a good chance that he wouldn't make it.  
  
After what seemed like forever they make it to the hospital. It takes them another hour or so to clean up Hiei and Stitch up his wounds. Because Hiei had tried to commit Suicide Hiei was put under observation. The gang was nowhere to be found, and Hiei was wide wake. He sits on his hospital bed thinking maybe he shouldn't have called 9-1-1. At least the voice hadn't come back yet. It gave him a chance to rest his tried soul. A part of him also wanted a drink to Relieve the pain. Staring out the window he felt so alone and unloved. Hiei knows he's difficult to be around and pushes people away when he really wants them close to him. But this time he was reaching out only to find there was none to reach for.  
  
Hours had past and still no sign of the Yusuke and the gang. Hiei drifts into a deep sleep. Kurama comes into Hiei's room he was going to visit Hiei once more, just to convince Hiei that what he was doing was wrong. Only to find out that Hiei had been rushed to the hospital. Kurama goes up to Hiei's bed and looks at his old friend. Kurama wasn't mad at what Hiei had done, he was just happy to see that his good friend was ok. He pulls up a chair near Hiei and puts his head on his forehead.  
  
"Everything will be ok" Kurama whispers to Hiei softly. He leans back in his chair and takes a look around him. Hiei was hooked up to all these machines and I.V's for blood. It wasn't a pretty site. Kurama hadn't told to others what had happened, he wanted to wait until Hiei could explain why he did what he did. His green eyes just stare at Hiei thinking maybe he would wake so they could talk.  
  
"Fox is that you?" Hiei opens his eyes and looks at Kurama."What the hell are you doing here? none asked you to come. I don't need you" Hiei snaps at Kurama. Even tho he was emotionally drained, he still had enough energy to speak.  
  
"I only came because I thought you needed my help. Don't be this way Hiei, not now" Kruama says in a calm an caring way.  
  
"What I did was my problem not yours, so just leave me alone" he looks away from Kurama.  
  
"Fine if that's what you want" Kurama gets up and goes to the door. "Just remember that you do have people that care about you Hiei. There are times in your life where you have to let down your guard an let us help you" Kurama leaves Hiei. Maybe Hiei just needed sometime to think about what he had done. All Hiei wanted to do was go home and pick up where he had left off. A lonely and drunken man. He wanted to feel the hurt that he had done to his sister. Being alone so he couldn't hurt anyone, being alone so he couldn't love anyone.  
  
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Well that was chapter 2 what did you think of it?  
  
Here's a song that I thought went well with this chapter  
  
  
  
Hurt by Johnny Cash:  
  
I hurt myself today  
  
to see if I still feel  
  
I focus on the pain  
  
the only thing that's real  
  
the needle tears a hole  
  
the old familiar sting  
  
try to kill it all away  
  
but I remember everything  
  
what have I become?  
  
my sweetest friend  
  
everyone I know  
  
goes away in the end  
  
you could have it all  
  
my empire of dirt  
  
I will let you down  
  
I will make you hurt  
  
I wear my crown of shit  
  
on my liars chair  
  
full of broken thoughts  
  
I cannot repair  
  
beneath the stain of time  
  
the feeling disappears  
  
you are someone else  
  
I am still right here  
  
what have i become?  
  
my sweetest friend  
  
everyone I know  
  
goes away in the end  
  
you could have it all  
  
my empire of dirt  
  
I will let you down  
  
I will make you hurt  
  
if i could start again  
  
a million miles away  
  
I would keep myself  
  
I would find a way 


	3. A new Addiction

Giving In  
  
Thanks for everyone who read and reviewed this fanfic. I know it's a little sad and depressing, but I like writing stories like that! Well here's Chapter 3, it took me a while to write. I had to come up with something that could make Hiei even more down.  
  
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A few days had passed Hiei is still in the hospital. He had refused any further treatment for his wounds, or any mental issues he was dealing with. The doctor informed Hiei that if he does not Cooperate with them, then Hiei would have to be in a mental institution. However Hiei didn't care where he went anymore, he's spirit was do beat down and broken nothing mattered to him. Kurama tires his best to convince Hiei to at least go to therapy a few times, and that he was being childish for not admitting to himself that he needed help. Not only physical help, but mental help as well. The voice still haunts Hiei, only now in his sleep. Fearing that the voice might make him do something again, Hiei so badly wanted to get drunk and wash the pain free form his soul. He knew that drinking was not enough to make him forget, but it was either that or admit his weakness. Hiei was not about to admit anything to anyone.  
  
  
  
Finally giving up Hiei let's the doctor's do what they want to him.   
  
In over a two week period he began seeing Dr.Saikin. A therapist who was used to dealing with difficult patients, until He met Hiei. Dr.Saikin was kind to Hiei and never pushed him to speak or open up to him. There would be times where nothing was said at all. Hiei didn't enjoy going there to him it was a waste of time.  
  
Becoming ever more depressed Hiei starts drinking again. He had stopped for a while, and even seemed to be happy again. However the pressure was to much for him. This time it wasn't only Vodka and whisky, but pills. The doctor had giving Hiei some prescriptions pills for his wrist wounds. Not a soul new that Hiei had become addicted to pain killers. Kurama hardly ever came around to check on Hiei, and Yusuke was to busy fighting evil within the Spirit and Human world. It appears that everyone had their own problems and couldn't bare to deal with Hiei's massive problem.  
  
Sitting alone in his dark and cold apartment, he takes a few pain killers to relieve the pain in his mind. Sickness had come over Hiei, but on the physical kind. His eyes glaze over and his sits there like he was dead. The only way he could get away from it all was getting high off of pills. Half a wake Hiei goes to the bathroom. His wrists were throbbing with pain. He unwraps the bandage as blood flows from the cuts. The wounds were not healing fast enough because Hiei never cleaned them properly. Also refusing to let anyone get near him to even look at the wounds. Infection was feeding on the deep cuts. Pouring alcohol on the wounds it stings the flesh. Hiei winces in pain he couldn't take it anymore so he grabs to the foset and turns on the hot water. Splashing water on his face to cool down, Hiei takes a long look in the mirror. His eyes were blood shouted again, and his hands had begun to shake.   
  
"What have I become" Hiei couldn't believe his own eyes. That the man looking back at him was him.  
  
"I told you to take your life. Now look at you, and you thought you were so smart calling 9-1-1. You can barely stand up, your nothing, but a sad and disgraceful drunk" The voice had come back.  
  
"Shut up why don't you leave, why are you still in my brain?" Hiei screams out, he was fed up with the voice.  
  
"You can't get rid of me I'm a part of you. Not even Dr.Saikin can get rid of me Hiei" The voice laughs evilly.  
  
Hiei gets so enraged he bangs his head into the mirror smashing it. Praying that the voice would leave for good. Blood drips from Hiei's head and down his face. All he wanted was the voice to go away. There was a sudden knock at the door that startles Hiei. Looking around in a panic Hiei wipes away the blood from his forehead, and answers the door. It was Kurama checking up on Hiei, seeing the blood on Hiei kurama was worried.  
  
"Hiei what's going on? what are you doing to yourself" Kurama so desperately   
  
wanted his old friend back again. This new Hiei was going to surely be the end of the old one.  
  
"Leave me the fuck alone fox, I don't need your fucking help" You could see the rage in his eyes. He grabs a hold of Kurama and slams him up against the wall. "Get out now. I don't want to ever see your face again" Hiei's red eyes become smaller and more cold.  
  
"Hiei have you been drinking again?" Kurama could tell Hiei had been drinking by the smell of vokda on his breath. "I brought someone, I thought maybe you needed to see someone elses face besides mine" He trembles with fear and tries to stay calm and cool.  
  
"Who ever is it tell them I don't need this bull shit from you are anyone else. I've done my time for this crime that you say I have committed. Now leave me be" tighting his grip on Kurama's neck.  
  
"Hiei please I can't breath, let me go" Kurama tries to breath, but Hiei was to strong.  
  
"Hey Guys what's going on?" Yusuke comes in and sees Hiei choking Kurama.  
  
"Hiei what the hell are you doing" He grabs Hiei's arm and pulls him off of Kurama.  
  
"Fuck off Yusuke this is none of your buisness" He pushes Yusuke to the floor. Once again he was pushing the ones away he needed to help him. "Both of you leave NOW" feeling a Excruciating pain in his head Hiei falls to the ground. Reaching out to Kurama for help he let's his emotions go. "I never ment to hurt anyone, but myself" tears roll down his face. Numb was the only thing that he could feel inside. Taking so much pill made him weak and tired.  
  
"Hiei it's not your fault Yukina died. Stop doing this please Hiei, just admit it." Kurama helps Hiei to his bed and lies him down. A sudden Shame and guilt come over Kurama. Refusing to believe that Hiei had a problem at times Kurama now came face to face with it.  
  
"Kurama how is he?" Yusuke comes into the small and dark room. He looks over Kurama's shoulder.  
  
"He should be ok, but I think we should call the doctors just incase. You know Hiei he might try to do something again" Kurama looks at the empty bottle of pills on the nightstand. "Damm Hiei what were you thinking" he whispers to himself. The bottle was filled last week and was suppose to last two to three weeks. Hiei had mange to take 100 pills in less then a week. The only thing on Hiei's mind was addiction and when he could get his next fixed. The crying out to Kurama was only an act to Hiei. The truth is he liked the feeling of the pain, but it was the voice that was making him crazy.   
  
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Please read and review!!!! It looks like Hiei still won't get help and now his addicted to pain killers. Will he ever admit his problem? you'll find out soon. 


	4. The Reason

Giving In  
  
Chapter this chapter explains how Yukina died.  
  
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A strong wind blows through the window, the nights air was cold and fearless. As a Hiei tosses and turns while sleeping. It was clear that he was having a nightmare, but could not seem to wake himself from it. Taking to many pill, and finishing a whole bottle of Jack Daniels, he was into deep of a sleep. Hiei's heart was racing and he broke into a cold sweat. Trembling now he tries his hardest to wake up.  
  
Dream begins...  
  
A think fog looms over the nights sky, as the spirit world appears to be at rest. Running through out the forest Hiei tries to the demon that has been causing chaos with in the Spirit world. His name was Shikoku and he was a powerful drug leader of the demon world. Shikoku was now trying to infultrate not only Spirit but Human world as well. Stopping at cleared area within the forest Hiei takes a deep breath. He figured why wait for Yusuke and the others, he could take this guy down with no problem. Or so Hiei thought that's what would happen.   
  
"Where could he be" Searching around he sees nothing be nights darkness.  
  
"I'm here your to blind to see me" Shikoku comes out of the darkness and smirks.  
  
"Hn you think you can beat me, come on I'll take you on." Hiei draws out his sword.  
  
"You are no match for me little one. I can kill you right know with no problem" Shikoku draws his sword as well. He grins for he knew something Hiei didn't and that was Yukina was near. Taking her under his power Shikuko keeps her in the darkness.  
  
"Shut up and prove to me that you are stronger" He moves closer to Shikoku.   
  
"Your such I coward I can see it in your eyes"  
  
Just standing there Shikoku does not move, he keeps a firm grip on Yukina. While Hiei runs up to him about to strike Shikoku, he moves out of Hiei's way and puts Yukina where he was standing. Not realize this Hiei strikes and stabs Yukina. Terror in her eyes as she feels the warm blood flow from her. "Hiei what have you done?" She screams out in pain. Hiei takes a step back at first. "N-no Yukina I didn't mean it" He goes up and holds Yukina in his arms. Blood on his own hands he tries to save her. Yukina trying to say something to Hiei "I-I know" she whispers to him, as blood   
  
drips form the side of her mouth. "You don't have to lie for me anymore. Before I die Hiei please remember this" Pausing as she swallows her own blood "I love you Hiei" the wind picks up and takes her breath away. Yukina now dead in her own brothers arms.   
  
"I love you too Yukina" Hiei tries to fight back the tears. He holds his sister tight hoping that maybe she would wake up. "This can't be happening please Yukina wake up, wake up please. Your the only family I have left"  
  
Walking away from her body a empty and souless man, Hiei looks at the blood on his hands. Just as he was about to leave, a voice calls out to him. "Hiei don't leave me" It was Yukina reaching out for Hiei's hand. Running up to Yukina he helps her up, but there was something wrong. Yukina had no blood on her, no wound mark.   
  
"Yukina are you alright?" something seemed different about her there was a coldness to her.  
  
"Oh I'm just fine, but I think it's you who has a problem" it was the voice using Yukina's body. "I haunt you in your dreams now and don't you forget it"  
  
Dream Ends...  
  
Screaming now Hiei finally wakes up, it was morning and the sun   
  
shines. Slowly going to the bathroom, Hiei's head was killing him. Hot water streams down Hiei's face, has he takes a shower. Ever since to fight with Kurama and Yusuke, Hiei had been even more destructive to himself. Losing grip of reality more and more every day. Sitting in the bath tub now, he rocks back and forth, just letting the water hit his body.   
  
"Why, why am I doing this?" he calls out, but none answers not even the voice. "Can't I live in peace, can't I be free. For once in my life can I have joy?" Getting out of the shower a sharp pain goes through his head and he leans against the sink. Trying to push the pain away Hiei fights back, but the pain wouldn't leave. Coughing up blood in the sink and losing the battle of the pain. Hiei takes a few pills to stop it.   
  
"I have to stop this, but how can I. When the whole world seems to not care. I don't even care anymore." Closing the door behind him Hiei goes about his day filled with nothing but misery.  
  
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Here's a song that I think goes well with the chapter!  
  
Cry Little Sister:  
  
Our fire will rise  
  
Bring Master's eyes  
  
Burn house will rock  
  
Those boys don't lie  
  
Immortal fear  
  
It's voice so clear  
  
Through broken walls  
  
Your screams I hear  
  
Cry little sister (thou shall not fall)  
  
Come, come to your brother (thou shall not lie)  
  
Come, change for your sister (thou shall not hear)  
  
Love is with your brother (thou shall not speak)  
  
Clown masquerade  
  
Rich boys look on  
  
When will they learn this loneliness?  
  
Temptations heat  
  
Malingers work  
  
Deep in your soul  
  
You can not lie  
  
Cry little sister (thou shall not fall)  
  
Come, come to your brother (thou shall not die)  
  
Come, change for your sister (thou shall not fear)  
  
Love is with your brother (thou shall not fear)  
  
Our Shangri-La  
  
You can't forget  
  
Always so close  
  
Come to us now  
  
Cry little sister (thou shall not fall)  
  
Come, come to your brother (thou shall not die)  
  
Come, change for your sister (thou shall not fear)  
  
Run, run to your brother (thou shall not fear)  
  
So what did you think of the story so far? and Please Read and Review! I wanna keep this fanfic going. 


	5. A Second Try at Death

Giving In  
  
Yes I know that the lyrics to "cry little sister" are wrong. I have the Yukina and Hiei music video with that song. It's so sad. Here's chapter 5.  
  
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A year had passed and stills no progress with Hiei's abusive ways to himself. Never coming out of his apartment for anything beside alcohol or pills. He had stopped seeing the therapist months ago and the doctors called his place day after day. Hiei refused to answer the phone to anyone, not even his former closest friends. Unconscious on the couch for hours Hiei finally wakes up. Drinking so much that he passes out seems to be the only way to get any sleep. Dark circles formed under his eyes now, and pale and weak Hiei had replaced the old one. He gets up and goes to the kitchen for some water, and more painkillers. Numbing his soul helped to relieve the pain. Hiei was still mourning the death of Yukina, but has taking things to far. His weak hands can barely hold the glass of water long enough to take a pills with it. So Hiei just takes the pills dry. Putting the glass to close to the edge it falls to the floor breaking. Bending down to his knees he picks up the broken pieces. Accidentally cutting his hand, the thin pale red blood slowly flows from the palm of his hand.  
  
"Ah shit" Hiei yells out and makes a tight fist. Running the hot water in the sink the wound stings and Hiei winces. A tear forms in his eyes and he lets the water run over his cut.  
  
"My how we have changed you can't even deal with a small cut" The voice was still in Hiei's head. Only this time Hiei doesn't care. He was so used to it, not hearing the voice made he feel alone. It was the only thing in this world now that he could talk to.  
  
"Whatever just leave me alone" Hiei rolls his eyes and cleans up the mess.  
  
"So I see your trying to ignore me now" the voice laughs "I'm going to haunt you until your dead."  
  
"Well that won't be long" he says in a harsh tone.  
  
A letter falls to the floor and Hiei picks it up. He never checked his mail anymore, was getting so many bills. The only reason why he wasn't being kicked out of his apartment was because he was labeled as insane. There was no re-turn address on the letter, and only had Hiei's name and address on it. Thinking that maybe someone had just put it in his mailbox for some sick joke. Hiei throws the letter away, not realizing that it was from Yukina. She wasn't dead in fact was being held kidnapped by Shikoku. He had brought the beautiful Ice Maiden back to life, and was starting to fall in love with her. Yukina was happy where she was, but needed to tell Hiei that she was indeed ok.  
  
"Hn probably some asshole" he shrugs and sits back down on the couch. A gun lies on the coffee table, it was sliver and small. Hiei had stolen it from a gun shop yesterday, and was planning to kill himself again. This time there will be no backing down and calling 9-1-1. He takes out a piece of paper and begins to write his suicide note. Emotions over flowing in him, he never thought that his life would end up this way. But how can he move on with his life when none cares. Kurama had turned his back on Hiei, when he needed him the most. Yusuke and the others never seemed to care in frist place in Hiei's eyes.  
  
To whom it my concern,  
  
The pain I feel inside is becoming to strong for me to deal with, so I must go. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I never meant for it to be like this, and what I'm about to do right now is something that I have been planning for. Please don't cry for me, because I won't. I know what I am doing to myself each and ever day. The drinking has become too much, the pill popping is too much. I hear this voice that won't go away, and that is becoming too much. I have lead myself down the rode of destruction and know I must pay for it the only way I can by taking the life that I have ruined, my own.  
  
Love always,  
  
Hiei  
  
P.S Don't bring me back.  
  
  
  
Taking a deep breath he finishes the letter and looks at the gun. Picking it put, he felt so powerful with it in hand. Hiei loads the gun, he was starting to have doubts, and the gun trembles in his hand. Thinking "There's no backing down now" slowly putting the gun to his temple, tears flow from his eyes. "God help, I'm going to hell". A gun shout was heard and small scream was let out. As Hiei...  
  
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Another cliff hanger hehehe I love writing cliff hangers.  
  
These chapters probably all going be some what short, but that's ok!  
  
Here's another song!  
  
From the Inside by Linkin Park:  
  
I don't know who to trust your surprise  
  
(Everyone feels so far away from me)  
  
Happy thoughts sift through dust and the lies  
  
(Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceit)  
  
(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)  
  
(All I ever think about is this)  
  
(All the tiring time between)  
  
(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)  
  
[Chorus]  
  
Take everything from the inside and throw it all away  
  
Cuz I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you  
  
Tension is building inside steadily  
  
(Everyone feels so far away from me)  
  
Happy thoughts forcing their way out of me  
  
(Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceit)  
  
(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)  
  
(All I ever think about is this)  
  
(All the tiring time between)  
  
(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)  
  
[Chorus]  
  
Take everything from the inside and throw it all away  
  
Cuz I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you  
  
I won't waste myself on you  
  
You  
  
You  
  
Waste myself on you  
  
You  
  
You  
  
I'll take everything from the inside and throw it all away  
  
Cuz I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you  
  
Everything from the inside and just throw it all away  
  
Cuz I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you  
  
You  
  
You 


	6. Fallen Angel

Giving In  
  
Ready to find out if Hiei really Killed himself? well Here's you go!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
As Hiei lies in his own pool of blood on the floor. Holding the gun thightly in his cold hands. He was finally free from all the things in this world. Feeling the pain of the bullet going through his head for only seconds, then falling to the floor. The voice died along with Hiei that day. The cold lifeless room stands still in time.Kuramahad a feeling that something was wrong, and decided to check things out. Hiei had been his closest firend, to have something happen to him would be heartbreaking. Little did Kurama know, Hiei was already dead. There was no more suffering or pain to deal with everyday anymore. Hiei was a peace with himself.   
  
It was a few days later when Kurama found Hiei's body. He almost threw up by the smell as he first enters the apartment. Finding Hiei on the fall Kurama looks away in horror. Turning Hiei over he sees Hiei's crimson red eyes stare at him. He quickly closes them and takes a deep breath. Trying not to cry, and let out emotions. Covering Hiei with a sheet, so he didn't have to look him. Kurama goes about the apartment searching for anything he could find that maybe Hiei had left behind for him. To give him a clue as to why he let this happen to himself. He finds Hiei's suicide note and doesn't want to read it. However he can help himself not to. A tear falls on the letter, and Kurama folds it up and puts it in his pocket. "Dammit Hiei" he whispers to. He calls the police and they said that they would be right on there way. Kurama accidentally knocks over Hiei's trash can he was in a such state of shock. Finding the letter that Yukina had writing Hiei.  
  
"oh my god Hiei why didn't you the letter" He screams at Hiei's body. "If you had only read it" He puts his head down and looks away. Hearing police sirens in the distance. Waiting for the police to arrive Kurama couldn't stop reading Yukina's letter, he wondered if Yukina will ever return. Knowing that she will be probably blame herself for her brothers death. A cold chill runs up his spine, and wants to get out of there has soon as he could. Guilt and saddness was the only thing on his mind. The emerald green eyes that were once filled with love and joy, were know filled with anger. He was mad at Hiei for taking the cowards way out of life.  
  
When the police arrived there was only silence as they take Hiei away in a body bag. Asking Kurama only but a few questions about Hiei, and why he would do something like that. Altough Kurama didn't want to talk to them. He remebered the first time that he met Hiei. How much he wanted to turn back time and start the whole year over again. To try harder to be there for Hiei.  
  
"Sir we are all set here, now have you thought about the funeral arrangements?" the officer says.  
  
"No, but I'll take care of it" he mumbles softly.  
  
3 days later....  
  
  
  
The sky was clear and the sun shined brightly over the small church. Everyone came to Hiei's funeral. It was a small but filled with lots of emotions. Botan puts a rose on Hiei's casket and walks back to her sit. They all to the same. Kurama decides that he was the one to give a speech. He gets up and walks to near the casket. Taking a deep breath he begin to speak.  
  
"I have know Hiei only a few years, but in that time I feel like it's been forever. What he did was wrong yes, and I know he never wanted to hurt the people around him. Hiei was the type of person who didn't like to show his feeling much. However when he did it was something special." He pauses trying to hold back the tears. "I miss my friend dearly, and wish that he will look down on us in heaven and guide us in the right direction." Kurama couldn't go on anylonger. He stops talking and returns to his sit. Botan holds Kurama in her arms as he weeps. She runs her hands through his hair, and tries to calm him down.  
  
"I would like to say something, if I may" Yusuke gets up and walks over to the open casket. He looks down at Hiei's pale and frail little body. "I never thought Hiei liked me much. He would tell me wise remarks, and I truly thought that he meant them in a mean way. Come to realize it, he was only trying to make me a better fighter. I never thanked Hiei for all he has done for me, and that has to be my biggest regret in life."  
  
After they place Hiei's casket into the ground, and let his poor tired body put to rest. A young woman goes over to Hiei's grave. She was very beautiful indeed. Her greenish blue hair blows in the wind.   
  
"I'm so sorry Hiei" she says as tear gems fall from her eyes. "I should have told you sooner. I wish you could forgive me" Yukina puts her hand on her growing belly. She was with child now, and was due in a few mouths. Shikoku and her had fallen madly in love. Yukina touches Hiei's grave stone, and runs her hands over the tear gem that was put in place above his name. Yukina stands up as a gust of wind blows into her face. Shikoku comes up to her and puts his arms around her.  
  
"Are you ok Yukina?" He felt sorry also, for it was his fault Hiei did this to himself.   
  
"No, but in time I will be" She turns around and hugs him. Finally knowing what love is. She puts the letter that she had writen to Hiei near his grave she says her last good byes, and walks off hand in hand with Shikoku. Kurama holding the suicide note in his hand, drives off with the others.  
  
A fire demon sits in a tree looking on, he gives a small laugh. Being free at last, and loving it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Here's a very sad song to end the chapter.  
  
"I will remember you"  
  
by Sarah McLachlan  
  
I will remember you  
  
Will you remember me?  
  
Don't let your life pass you by  
  
Weep not for the memories  
  
Remember the good times that we had?  
  
I let them slip away from us when things got bad  
  
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun  
  
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one  
  
I will remember you  
  
Will you remember me?  
  
Don't let your life pass you by  
  
Weep not for the memories  
  
I'm so tired but I can't sleep  
  
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep  
  
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word  
  
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard  
  
But I will remember you  
  
Will you remember me?  
  
Don't let your life pass you by  
  
Weep not for the memories  
  
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose  
  
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose  
  
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night  
  
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light  
  
And I will remember you  
  
Will you remember me?  
  
Don't let your life pass you by  
  
Weep not for the memories  
  
And I will remember you  
  
Will you remember me?  
  
Don't let your life pass you by  
  
Weep not for the memories  
  
Weep not for the memories 


	7. The Birth

Giving In  
  
If you thought to story was over then guess again, cuz it's not.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was three months after Hiei's death. No one has truly gotten over it yet. The shock of it all still remains in the heart of Kurama, he wasn't depressed and hadn't dealt with the pain like Hiei had. But still found himself for no reason softly weeping for his old friend. Yukina had moved back with Shikuko in town. When Kuwabara saw that she was pregnant, and was in love with someone else. He was heartbroken, for about a few seconds. Then went back to his ladies man way. Yusuke didn't have much time to mourn Hiei's death, he was to busy fighting off the evil of the spirit world. However Yusuke has finally did admit that he likes Keiko, and they have been seeing a lot of each other. Everyone seemed to be trying to move on with their lives, and even starting new ones. Koenma suggested to bring Hiei back, but this would be the last time. Kurama knowing that Hiei did not want to come back in this world, tried to talk Koenma out of it. He still carried with him ever day the suicide note. Sometimes Kurama would read the note at night just before he goes to sleep. He wondered what Hiei's last words were, or what was going through his mind as he pulled the trigger. Things might have changed, but Hiei was never forgotten.  
  
The autunm leaves fall in the park, and the sun shines dimly on the open area. Yukina sits on the blanket staring up at the sky, hoping that Hiei was smiling down on her. She was 9 mouths pregnant now, the doctor said the baby could come at any time. On the inside she was scared of giving birth, she wanted her older brother there with. Shikoku was very understanding of this, he tried to comfort her, but there would be many times where she push him away.  
  
"Yukina I've been looking for you" Shikoku comes up to her, seeing you Yukina just lieing there, and thinking how lucky he was to have her.  
  
"I'm just enjoying the day. I'm sorry if you were worried about me. I don't mean to make you worried" she looks up at him with sorrow in her eyes. "I just love to watch how the leaves change, but winter will always my favorite" She rubs her stomach gently, and can feel the baby kick. "Come feel the baby move Shikoku" smiling at him with loving eyes.  
  
Shikoku sits down beside her, and feels the baby too. He, himself was scared of being a father. A though guy was always his image, not a fatherly one. Kissing her softly on the lips, he runs his hands through her hair, and smiles. Never before has he felt so much love for one person. His soft sexy blue eyes look right into hers. "I love you Yukina, and I wish that weren't so depressed all the time. I know that it's my fault that Hiei killed himself. I've tried to make it up to you, but it's just sometimes I see the way you look at me. With such fury, and heartbreak."  
  
"What are you saying, that I should be with you? is that it? I love you too, and I would never hurt you and lie to your face. Yes I am still sadden by my brothers death, and I will be for a long time. However I know that I must move on in this world. Not just for me, but for a child" looking away from him and onto the lake, she tries to hold back her emotions. Suddenly a sharp pain ran through her side. "ahhh what was that" she holds her side and grips he's hand. "I think it's time" her jaw clamps, as she tries to push away the pain.  
  
Quickly helping Yukina to her feet, Shikoku brings her to the hospital. Everyone comes to see the birth of Yukina's baby, everyone but one, Hiei. She screams out her brothers name, but he doesn't answer back. Kurama sees how much Yukina needed Hiei's strengh to get her through this. Going to Koenma, Kurama asked him to bring Hiei back. So many times he has said no, when Koenma wanted too.  
  
"Alright Kurama, I'll bring back Hiei, but you have to promise me this. If Hiei EVER goes down the same path again, then I swear I will send him back to the demon world" Koenma wasn't kidding after either.  
  
"I understand Lord Koenma, and I doubt Hiei will do that again" realizing that Hiei didn't go to heaven. Guessing that people who do kill themselves must go to the demon world. "I just hope Hiei makes it for the birth" Kurama sits down in the waiting room staring at the wall. It had been what seemed like forever, and Yukina still has not giving birth yet. A small figure appears before Kurama.  
  
"Keep your head up Fox, everything will be ok" Hiei smirks, it felt great being back and this time for good. He looked like his old self again. "So I hear my little sister is about to give birth, I figured Kuwabara would try something with her. I'm going to kill him" Hiei had no idea that Shikoku, the man he hated more then any other was the father.  
  
"Hiei it so nice to see you" Kurama smiles at Hiei, over whemled with emotions. "I'm sorry for bring you back, it's just that Yukina needed you, we all need you"  
  
"Since when do you listen to my drunken ways" he gives a small smile "Besides that's when I was weak, and acted like a human. Being in hell for a few mouth can change a persons soul greatly"  
  
Hiei decides to go into the delivery room to see Yukina. He looks on, as the she sleeps for now. The lights were dim, and the room was cold. Shikoku sits in the chair next her, and sees Hiei come in. Standing up quickly when seeing Hiei, Shikoku was shocked. "Hiei? your alive?" he goes up to him to explain what he had done.  
  
"hn..." Hiei knew that it wasn't Kuwabara that knocked Yukina up, he was shikoku. "You bastard, how could you do that to her" he says in a harsh way. "You don't deserve her love, not even I do" glaring at him, Hiei pushes Shikoku.   
  
"Stop fighting please" Yukina wakes up from her sleep.   
  
"I'm sorry Yukina" Shikoku goes over to her, and puts his hand on her forehead.  
  
"Don't touch her, you've done enough damage" Hiei grabs Shikoku's arm.  
  
"Hiei I love him, let go of him" Yukina looks at her brother. "Please Hiei don't hurt him. I want to have this baby, and have a life togather with him. You can't be like this anymore Hiei, you can't push people around, or push them away"  
  
"Fine maybe I shouldn't have come back. If you don't need me, then I'll just leave" Hiei heads for the door, and looks back to her.  
  
"I think I'll leave you two to talk" Shikoku opens to the door and walks out. Leaving Hiei and Yukina alone.  
  
what had been so tragic, now seems so far away. Seeing Hiei standing there, Yukina felt as if he never left. Although it would take a long time before Hiei was completly free from what he had done. The scars still remain on his wrist. He covers them up on shame, but each and every day for the rest of his life he wpuld remember. Hiei sits by Yukina and takes her hand. She was almost ready to push soon.  
  
"I was scared you know" Yukina holds onto his hand tightly. "Hiei please forgive my, but I never meant to fall in love with the man you hate so much" her eyes become watery.  
  
"You don't have to be scared, or sorry. It's my fault for what I did, not yours. I want you to be happy Yukina." he gives her warm hug. "I should be the one who is sorry. It was me who left all of you and never explained my reason. I thought if I died then maybe I would see you again. Going down the lonely and empty road that I did for so long, and having nothing to show for it. I didn't go to heaven, I went to hell."  
  
"No don't blame yourself, it was me who should have told you that I was alive sooner." Yukina cries a single tear gem.  
  
  
  
They talked for over a hour, it was hard to believe that Hiei had so much to say. The doctor came in to check her, to see if she was ready. When it came time to push, Yukina wanted everyone to be there for her. Hiei stands in the corner looking on. He might have been back, but he was still Hiei. The whole baby thing, wasn't his cup of tea, but he stayed for Yukina. keiko and Botan couldn't wait to see the baby, they wanted to hold the child as soon as it was born. Kuwabara and Yusuke looked away when the baby was coming out. They didn't want to see that. Kurama looks at Hiei, and smiles. He felt good knowing that Hiei was back. The labor was not easy for Yukina, she grabs a hold of the bed rail, and pushes hard. Screaming so loud that everyone had to block their ears. She gives one last push before the baby comes out, and takes a deep breath. Shikoku holds her hand the whole time, and rubs her back.  
  
Finally after two hours, Yukina gives birth to a baby boy. They name him Shojiki, he has blue hair like his mother, and blue eyes like his father. Yukina falls a sleep shortly after the birth. Shikoku holds little Shojiki in his arms.  
  
"His so prefect" he smiles at his son, being so proud of Yukina. She went through a lot having this baby.  
  
"Oh he is the cutest thing ever" Botan jumps up and down, looking over Shikoku's shoulders. "I could just hug him to death."  
  
"Well the little one sure is something, and Botan I would wait on holding him. You might break a bone or somethind" Yusuke laughs, and looks also. "come on Hiei your a uncle now, come see the little guy" Yusuke waves to Hiei.  
  
"Yes he is a beautiful baby" Kurama smiles and looks at Shojiki.  
  
"Hn" Hiei was uneasy around babies, he takes a peek at him.  
  
It was after visiting hours now, and the gang had to go home. Hiei seeing as he has no where to go decides to stay at Kurama's for the night. Kurama didn't mind, he enjoyed having people over. Hiei kissed Yukina on the forehead before leaving. "Sweet dreams little sis". He walks out of the Hospital a new man, he knew that life was going to he different.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
WOW THAT WAS KINDA LONG 


	8. The Voice Haunts

Giving In  
  
  
  
The night's air was fresh and cool, as Hiei and Kurama walk to Kurama's apartment. Kurama decided to move out of his home a year ago. When his mother re-married. Glancing over at Hiei wondering what was going through his mind. Kurama loved Hiei more then Hiei will ever know. Kurama just wished that Hiei would open up more, and show some kind of feeling. Hiei looks down as he walks. A state of depression had come over him, once they left the hospital. Hiei knew that he would be alone for the rest of his life. There was no one who could ever love a fire demon like him. Besides, he felt the voice inside him return. Something wasn't right; he just didn't know what it was.   
  
"I see that there is something wrong Hiei" Kurama stops and looks at Hiei.  
  
"Hn" Hiei had stopped listening to Kurama. "No there's nothing wrong. I'm fine." he says quickly, not wanting Kurama to go more into the conversation.  
  
"oh ok" Kurama remains quiet for the rest of the way. Nothing was spoken between the two.   
  
Kurama's apartment look nothing like Hiei's. It was neat, and smell clean. Hiei steps in and takes a look around. He sits on the couch, he let's out a loud sigh. Removing his cloak and boots. Trying to figure out what's wrong with Hiei, Kurama sits down next to him. Hiei just looks away from Kurama, he didn't want to be bothered right now. Happy that his sister was now a mother and in love, but apart of Hiei was still empty.   
  
"You think I don't know" Hiei turns his head slightly to Kurama.  
  
"What do you mean Hiei?" Kurama was confused as to what Hiei was talking about.  
  
"You think I'm still crazy, I see it in your eyes. You can't lie to me Fox" Hiei runs his hands over his scars. Bring up so many memories.  
  
"That's not true, I know your better Hiei, why would say something like that" using a soft and calm voice so Hiei wouldn't get out of control again.  
  
"Maybe I haven't, maybe I am still weak" His voice starts to break up.  
  
Trying to help Hiei calm down and get some sleep, Kurama tells Hiei that everything is going to be ok, and that if he ever needed anything he would be there for him. Hiei just shurgged him off, he wasn't about to open up to Kurama. So giving up Kurama goes to bed, leaving Hiei in the dark by himself. Slowly drifting into a light sleep, Hiei hears a voice call out to him. He sits up and looks around, but their was no one in sight. Laying back down, he hears the voice again.  
  
"Hiei" the voice whispers out to him.  
  
"huh? who's out there?" Hiei sits straight up, there was a little fear in his voice.  
  
"Don't you remember your old friend? what a pitty" the voice laughs.  
  
"N-No it can't be, you died when I did" he panics and gets up from the couch. "Your not suppose to haunt me anymore."   
  
"You fool don't you see I live within you. If your alive then so am I. Only this time, I can take shape" the voice grabs onto Hiei's neck. He was able to use someone else body and control it.  
  
"Let go of me right now, or you'll regret it" Hiei snaps the voices wrist.  
  
"You son of bitch, you'll pay for that." he takes a few steps back.  
  
Quickly standing up. Hiei runs to the voice, and grabs him by the neck, slamming him into a wall. The room was to dark to see what the voice looked like. Hiei takes out his sword, and slices his stmoach. The voice sraches Hiei in the chest, and knocks him intot he window. The moon shines onto the voices body, it was not the evil voice that had made Hiei lose control. It was Kurama.... 


	9. Insanity's A Bitch

Giving In  
  
   
  
Backing away from Kuram. Hiei drops to the bloody sword to the ground. The mark on his chest was gone. Hiei had thought up the whole thing. Kurama lies on the floor holding his stomach. His wound wasn't that bad, and he was able to stand. He had no idea why Hiei would attack him like that. Looking into Hiei's eyes, Kurama saw something that wasn't there before, total fear. Hiei knew he was going crazy, but didn't know it would come so soon. Just when his life is back together, he's worse then ever before.  
  
"Hiei I don't understand why you would attack me like that. Have you gone mad, or did I do something wrong?" Kurama slowly walks to the couch and sits down. Waiting for Hiei to answer his question.  
  
"No it's not your fault. I-I just need" Hiei didn't know what to say to Kruama. He felt like running and leaving for good.  
  
"If you wish not to tell me why you stabbed me then that's fine" Kurama smirks at Hiei.  
  
"I don't have to exlpain bull shit to you fox." picking up his sword again. He puts it up to Kurama's throat.  
  
"The thing that has mad you go insane, is not going to go away by killing me" Kurama knew Hiei wouldn't kill him.  
  
"Come on Hiei, we all know you want to Kill him. Cut his throat real slow, so it will take him longer to die. You can watch the blood drip on the floor, and the life dieing with every breath" the voice calls out to Hiei. He figured if Hiei wasn't going to die. He could just make Hiei kill others.  
  
"Get out, get out of my head" Hiei yells out. Knowing that the voice would never leave him alone.  
  
"No I enjoy watching you suffer" the voice laughs, he loved it when Hiei goes crazy because of him.  
  
"I-I can't do it, I won't. You can't make me you bastard" Hiei shakes his head. He lowers the sword from Kurama's throat.  
  
"Hiei who are talking to?" Kurama was so confused. He had never seen Hiei like this before. Even the drunken Hiei was better to understand.  
  
Dark and evil thoughts run through Hiei's mind. He thinks about killing Kurama, and everyone in his path. Trying to block the thoughts, however they are to strong. The voice is now in control of Hiei. There is nothing Hiei can do. Suddenly Hiei did something he never thought he would do. Stabbing his sword right into Kurama's throat. Kurama doesn't coughs up blood, and reaches out to Hiei. But Hiei doesn't help him. He was in shock. Kurama tries to scream out but the blood drowns his screams.  
  
"Let that pitiful die, he's not worth saving Hiei, no one is" The Voice whispers to Hiei, his was now just haunting Hiei. "Hiei, oh Hiei it's time for you to wake up!"  
  
Waking up in a intense sweat, Hiei thought the dream was so real. He looks around, but the room was quiet. "was that just a dream" Hiei thought to himself. Getting up he looks over to where Kurama was laying. There was no blood. Although Hiei was still no convinced. The voice was playing mind games with him, if wanted to win Hiei had to be one step ahead. Opening the door to Kurama's room, Hiei peeks in. The fox was sound asleep. Hiei looks at Kruama sleep, and kneels down beside him. He gently shakes his side, hoping that he'll wake up. Kurama opens his eyes, he couldn't believe that Hiei was in his room at the middle of the night.   
  
"Hiei? what are you doing in here?" Kurama sits up, he sees Hiei body tremble. "What's going on?"  
  
"I had a nightmare that I killed you, and I just wanted to see if it was true" Hiei somewhat mumbles.  
  
"As you can see you haven't killed me, but you did stab me" Kurama shows Hiei his stomach, and the deep wound.  
  
"No it was all a dream" Hiei gets up. "I didn't stab you"  
  
"Hiei don't you remember? I went to go get a drink of water, and you came after me" Kurama could tell that Hiei truly thought that none of this had happened. "Don't worry Hiei just go back to bed" Kruama lies back down.  
  
"But Fox I didn't do it" Hiei gives up he wasn't in the mood for fighting. He goes back in the living room. A terrifying feeling came over him. Hiei was so tired and overwhelmed what had just happened, he finally goes back to bed. Hiei can't stop the voice no one can. It will live within his fovever.   
  
*Note: this is not a Yaoi fanfic, I'm sorry if at times it seems that way, but it's not* 


	10. Revenge

Giving In  
  
The suns bright rays shined through the living room window. Hiei awoke with a massive headache. He remembered little of what had happened the night before. Getting up he goes over to Kurama's bedroom seeing if the fox demon was awake yet. Kurama was nowhere to be found. He had gone out hours before the sun came up. Wanting to get away from Hiei's insanity, he knew that Hiei was not any better then the last time. He just didn't want to believe it. Only this time the voice was ever stronger then before.  
  
A few hours had past and still no sign of Kurama. Hiei was getting pissed off, and decides to leave as well. Walking down the crowed streets alone, he feels so lost inside. Hiei had nowhere to go, no place to live. It wouldn't be long before Kurama would kick him out. After last night, Hiei didn't think he could ever look at him the same way again. Kurama was going to find out the truth, and Hiei had to distances himself from him before he did.  
  
"What a stupid place to be right now, you could kill all of them, and wouldn't even know it," the voice whispers to Hiei.  
  
"Hn you think I would kill humans? You might want control, but killing a human will ruin everything I have in life" Hiei knew that if he ever killed a human, it might cost him his own life.  
  
"You have nothing in this world anyways, so we not just take over this sad, and pitiful world." He was taunting Hiei now, and it gave him great pleasure.  
  
"You right again. I have nothing in this world, but I wouldn't do it. You will be the reason why I have no freedom. I won't let you take over again." He tries to fight back the evil thoughts that the voice was sending him.  
  
"I'm gonna win, I'm gonna win" the voice chants over and over to Hiei. "You can't stop me"  
  
"Get out!" Hiei yells, some people stop and stare at him like he had to heads. Hiei just glares at them all, and threatens thing all. They quickly turn away and go about their day.  
  
There was a small park near by the town, next to it was the hospital that Yukina was staying at. He wanted to go there, but not in the shape that he was in. He didn't want her to see the weak minded side of him. Yukina has always know her brother to be strong and tough. Sitting down on a park bench he looks Around there was no one he could talk to, no one that would listen. It was like he had gone back in time, and was going the same things all over again. This time he hadn't started to drink yet, but sure enough he knew he would pick the habit up again. It was a cycle Hiei just couldn't break. No matter what was going on his addictions will always come back to him. The voice was not making things any better for him. Instead of wanting to hurt himself, Hiei now wanted revenge on all those who have caused him pain. Kuram would be the first one to pay. He was the one who decided to bring Hiei back. Hiei never wanted to, now Kurama must pay for the pain that Hiei was now suffering.  
  
"It was because of Kurama I hear the voice "He whispers to himself. "I was because of Kurama I have nowhere to go" He was blaming Kurama for his problems. Beginning to feel a little better Hiei walks along the park trail and through the woods. He would now blame Kurama for all the pain and issues he had within himself.  
  
"The next time I see him, his blood will be upon my hands." He smirks and disappears into the forests dark night. 


	11. Hiei gives in

Along side in a dark road there stood Hiei, with bright red eyes and fiery temper. He waits for Kurama to come along, so Hiei will have his revenge on the fox that he once called friend. Holding his sword with one are and clenching the other. The voice seems to have gotten all control of him. His soul no longer his own. Hiei waits for as long as he had too. There was not limit to killing someone or is there? All he knew is that Kurama was going to breath for the last time today, or Hiei will die trying in doing so.   
  
Night was coming upon him and still no sign of the red hair demon. Hiei was now growing impatient with Kurama. He had told Kurama to meet him there, on the phone Hiei was very nice and kind to him. But inside evil was stirring with in him. The thought of spilling blood grow so desirable to him.  
  
"Hiei? Where are you?" Kurama walks down the lonely road searching for his dear friend. He was getting worried that maybe Hiei was not so healed after all. However Kurama still has much respect for him, and love. He didn't want Hiei to be in any mental pain, but what could he do when a stubborn man like Hiei won't reach out for help.   
  
"Come now Kurama you shouldn't be afraid of the dark" Hiei jumps out in front of him, hiding his sword into the shadows.   
  
"err..Hiei what's going on? I don't understand why you wanted to meet here." Kurama on guard just incase Hiei was going to try anything. The fire demon goes very close to kurama. Kurama could feel his body heat. Hiei's heart was beating faster and faster. As he draws near Kurama.  
  
"Now listen fox, I've gone through a lot of shit this year. And I realize the source of my problem. The reason why I feel this way. I thought at first it was that I never felt loved towards anyone" He grabs Kurama by the shirt and brings his lips close to Kurama. "But then I thought, it's better to kill, then to love" Kurama's eyes widen. He didn't know weather to run, or let things play out.  
  
"Hiei I know your pain my friend, but you can't let the little things get to you. Yukina is a mother and a wife now. I think you should see that the people who love you, only want to see what's best for you" Kurama's voice was shaking as the words just spill out of him.  
  
":Such a beautiful face you have Kurama" Hiei runs his hands down his cheek. "It would be a shame if someone was to do something to looks" The sliver of the sword shines through the moonlight as Hiei lifts it past his head.   
  
"That's right Hiei, kill the bastard that way you have one less person to deal with" The voice says. Hiei didn't even try to fight him any more. His eyes turn an odd shade of blue. Kurama looks right at him and sees the change.  
  
"Your not Hiei" Kurama whispers to him "I don't know who your trying to fool, me or yourself."   
  
Hiei getting mad at Kurama comments. Slashes the sword right across Kurma's face. Falling down, Kurama feels the sting of his face, and covers his hand over the wound. Blood runs through his hand. Kurama gets up and laughs.  
  
"You'd have to do a lot more then that to take me down" he says, not wanting to fight Hiei, but will if it meant he had to lose his life instead!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It's been a few months since I updated Sorry about that!  
  
I hate everything about you by Three days Grace:  
  
everytime we lie awake  
  
after every hit we take  
  
every feeling that i get  
  
but i haven't missed you yet  
  
every room-mate kept awake  
  
by every silent scream we make  
  
all the feelings that i get  
  
but i still don't miss you yet  
  
only when i stop to think about it  
  
i hate everything about you  
  
why do i love you  
  
i hate everything about you  
  
why do i love you  
  
everytime we lie awake  
  
after every hit we take  
  
every feeling that i get  
  
but i haven't missed you yet  
  
only when i stop to think about it  
  
i hate everything about you  
  
why do i love you  
  
i hate everything about you  
  
why do i love you  
  
only when i stop to think about you,  
  
i know  
  
only when you stop to think about me,  
  
do you know  
  
i hate everything about you  
  
why do i love you  
  
you hate everything about me  
  
why do you love me  
  
i hate  
  
you hate  
  
i hate  
  
you love me  
  
i hate everything about you  
  
why do i love you 


End file.
